Time Goes On

So since my last post and before today, I was perfectly fine. But, I hung out with that group of girls, and boom. right back to square one. i find myself trying so hard over and over to fit in with them physically. and i can't seem to find that perfection im struggling so hard to reach. Over and over i tell myself im not good enough for them and i dont look pretty enough for them. why cant these thoughts just go away. why cant i be as happy as the girl i pretend to be. im sick of the real me dying on the inside, striving for perfection while the me that everyone else sees is perfectly fine. what is up with me and this idea of perfection? why can't i just do one thing perfectly for once?